Snapshot

We have survived another year. As 2014 comes to an end, we begin to reflect on the last year. We take a snapshot of our lives and we analyze it. There have been ups and downs, but regardless of both, this year has been wonderful, because I have an amazing family. My daughter turned 1. There are times I sometimes still can't believe I am a mother, but even more surprising is the fact that somehow I have managed to care for this little life for an entire year. She is by far my greatest accomplishment. She amazes me every day, from learning how to talk to her little independent personality. I can overcome anything, because I am her mother. 

Thankfully, I don't do it alone. I have a wonderful husband that my daughter adores and an immediate and extended family that surround us all with love. My snapshot of the year reflects endurance, love, happiness, and family. Sure, we all have resolutions and we can all be better individuals, but even if this is as good as it gets, then I am truly blessed. My wish for all of you is to find the same joy and blessings in your own lives. 

 Happy 2015!

What Can?

I’ve spent a limited time on social media this week.  The news of Robin Williams’ suicide has hit me like a ton of bricks.  I didn’t know him, but like so many others, I was a fan.  This tragedy affects me a little differently though, because I am a survivor of suicide.  This grief is different than anything I have ever experienced.  I thought I was ok, and that I’m moving forward.  But hearing of Robin Williams’ depression and suicide and the different reactions to it, has brought me back to that dreadful year.

On January 18, 2011 my cousin’s father, and my uncle by marriage committed suicide shortly after hanging up the telephone and saying goodbye to my cousin.  My cousin Mikey, was 17 years old.  I’ve lost a parent. I know that grief, but I know nothing of losing a parent to suicide at the young age of 17.  Four months later, to the day, on May 18, 2011 my cousin Mikey went missing.  He too had taken his life. 

I’ve written before on the hole he left in my heart, and how it is difficult for me to talk about it. I am usually an open book, but this is difficult for me.  For the most part, I remember the loving cousin and friend he was to me.  I miss his love of politics.  There are days, like when I took my daughter to her first bill signing, that I think, “Mikey would have been here with us” or “Mikey would have loved this.”  I remember him often and I tell my daughter about him.  But hearing about Robin Williams brought back, the reminder of how Mikey and his dad died.  It brought back the reminder that there are people out there with smiles on their faces that are suffering so deeply. 

The statements that someone who commits suicide is a coward or weak only brings anger.  Mikey and his dad were not cowards, they were sick.  They were just as sick as my mom who died of cancer.  My mom wasn't a coward, because she got cancer.  In fact, if I had one last chance to speak with Mikey, I would tell him I forgive him.  Survivors of suicide often ask themselves all the time “what if.”  The anger and the questions of what if are useless.  Instead we should ask “what can…”  What can we do to make sure this doesn’t happen to someone else?  What can we do to prevent and educate?  What can I do to make this lonely scary world better?

 

If you suffer from depression or if you have considered suicide, you are not alone! There is help out there.  Reach out to a friend, a family member, a teacher, or a boss.  My question of what if is “what if he would have just called me.” There is help out there, please ask for it.   You can also call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 

If you are a survivor of suicide, you aren’t alone either.  I want you to know that you are pretty amazing! Just when you think you are ok, something pushes you back down, but you still get up. You still survive.  Take care of yourself and reach out for support when you need it.

If Robin Williams is as close as you have gotten to suicide, I am thankful for you.  Know that your kind words make a difference.  I commend you for wanting to know more. 

I miss you Mikey.  My love for you is strong enough that I am going to let go of "what if," and continue to ask myself “What can I do?”

Baby's First Bill Signing

On July 6, 2014 Catalina attended her first bill signing. Illinois House Bill 5755 was sponsored by her auntie Kelly Cassidy. It is a referendum that will be on the November Ballot giving voters a chance to voice their opinion on how they feel about insurance companies being required to cover birth control. 

Governor Pat Quinn gave Catalina the first pen used to sign the bill. Catalina was very happy with her new teething toy. 

Dressed, But Not Ready To Go

It has been a rough week.  Actually, every week is a rough week when you have a kid.  No one tells you this before you have kids.  But, I’ll save that blog for a another day.  It’s been a rough week.  On Monday, I was already to leave for work, when I realized a little girl had wiped her milk mouth all over me and the evidence was on my blouse.  I had to make a last minute outfit change. 

On Tuesday, baby girl had a huge poop.  It is always fun trying to change a diaper on a baby who refuses to stay still.  There is just no reasoning with an 8 month old.  Somewhere between the carrying her to the changing table and the squirming and wiggling I got poop on my blouse.  Again I had to make a last minute outfit change.

Today, I was determined not to get anything on me.  As the babysitter was saying goodbye, the baby started to cry.  It was her first don’t-leave-me-mommy tears, and I got them all over me.  Those tears pierced through my sweater and dress straight to my heart.  I was able to quickly calm her down, leave her in good-capable arms, and get on my way to work. 

By the time I climbed onto the train I had concluded one major thing.  I’ll take the poop over the tears any day!

Ready for Battle

Last week I made the trip to Springfield to testify on the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) in the State Senate Executive Committee. I was determined to make history. During the drive there, I experienced a milestone and made my own, personal history. I found my very first gray hair. I found myself more shocked about the gray hair than the fact that I was about to testify about a constitutional amendment a century in the making. 

"What do I do?" I rhetorically asked. I stared at it for a while, and finally I made a decision. It is a sign of maturity and wisdom. It will be good luck! It is a badge on my uniform. I smiled as I patted it back on my head. 

I am ready for battle. I'm ready to get the ERA passed, and I'm ready to age gracefully. I'm a feminist. I am THE feminist, which really just means I'm a warrior. I'm a warrior for equal rights. I'm a warrior for my daughter, for myself, for all women. Bring it world. Bring it life. I'm ready! 

ERA

Below is the Statement I delivered to the Illinois Senate Executive Committee today on the ERA:

I’m Cristina Villarreal and I am President of the Chicago Chapter of the National Organization for Women.  Thank you for allowing me to speak today, it is an honor to be a part of this history that has been in the works for nearly a century.  And though I am glad that the discussion of equal rights is continuing, I’m disappointed that this amendment has not been ratified by our state sooner. 

I would like to discuss viability of the equal rights amendment. There is an argument that your vote today is not important, that because the 1982 Congressional deadline for ratification has passed, there is no point in Illinois ratifying the Amendment, but I’m here to assure you your vote today will make a difference. 

Article V of the U.S. Constitution gives Congress the power to propose amendments, and it gives Congress a uniquely broad authority over the amendment process. However, the Constitution remains silent on time limits for ratification and the power of Congress to impose time limits.  

Case law tries to clear this up.  InDillon v. Gloss (1921) the court ruled that an amendment should be ratified within a “reasonable” and “sufficiently contemporaneous” time frame.  In Coleman v. Miller (1939)the Court ruled that only congress can determine what is “reasonable” and “sufficiently contemporaneous.”

The Madison Amendment (Congressional pay), is an example of how “sufficiently contemporaneous” is determined by congress.  The Madison Amendment was originally passed by Congress in 1789, but did not become ratified until 1992.  If 203 years can be considered “reasonable” and “sufficiently contemporaneous,” than so can a few decades taken to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment.  

When ratified, these will all be arguments that can be made if necessary, but most recently inNOW v. Idaho (1982) the U.S. Supreme Court declared regardless of any legal questions on issues related to deadlines and ratification are moot, because the Amendment has not been ratified  by 38 states`. 

The Three State Approach argues that there needs to be three more states to ratify the amendment and then Congress with it’s broad authority on the ratification process can do it’s job, and make a decision on the ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment.  The Congressional Research Service has reported on the viability of the Equal Rights Amendment, and they have concluded that even without the Three State Approach, there are legal strategies that could be used to still get the amendment ratified.  

Your vote could be a step in not only making women equal under the constitution, but also to getting a historical clarification on the ratification process. If you are a nerd like me, than you know that's a big deal. 

On another note, your vote matters for reasons other than simply because ratification is still viable.  You have an opportunity to right a historical wrong.  This amendment should have been ratified by the state, years before I was born, but it wasn’t, and you have an opportunity to get on the path to fixing that today.  But more than just fixing a historical wrong, we have a chance to make history.  Illinois has an opportunity to be at the forefront of revitalizing the women’s rights movement.  We can give hope, where hope was lost, and continue to move our nation forward into a more perfect union of equality. 

At the end of the day, after that long legal history and explanation on viability I just gave you, I would like to conclude with, viability does not matter.  Viability is irrelevant when it comes to doing the right thing. I have a young, amazing daughter at home.  What matters most is telling her and girls like her, that under the U.S. Constitution, they has equal rights.  I want my daughter to grow up in a state with legislators that value her rights and have the “yes” vote to prove it.  I urge you to please vote yes on SJRCA 75. 

#BringBackOurGirlsChicago #BringBackOurGirls

Last week I wrote about my outrage regarding the kidnapped girls in Nigeria. Over the weekend my daughter and I joined the #BringBackOurGirlsChicago march.  It was important to me to take my daughter to stand up for girls who have no voice.

My Baby Girl's first Rally/March

A few things stand out about this weekend.  First, after attending this march, I was watching the HBO show Vice.  There was an episode on The Pink Gang in India.  It is a group of women who have joined together in order to protect each other, because of a legal system that fails women.  Men who rape women are nearly never prosecuted and there is such deep corruption in the system women are scared to press charges against their attackers.  I couldn't help to think how lucky my daughter and I are to be in this country.  We can have the right to not only stand up for ourselves, but also to the injustices that are happening across the world.

Family, Friends, Sisters

Second, I was struck about how fortunate my daughter is to have so many women in her life that are an example of strong and caring women.  It is their efforts that will make my daughter's life easier.  It is their love that will foster her.  I am so glad she will grow up knowing the value of sisterhood.  She will know whether the girl lives next door or thousands of miles away, they are her sisters in life!

Third, I hope I will teach my daughter the value of her rights, to fight to keep her rights and to fight for the rights of others.  Why were those girls such a threat to Boko Haram? They were getting educated.  I hope my daughter values her education.  I hope that her education will come a little easier than mine or even her fathers, but I hope no matter what she appreciates it.  I hope she knows that the more she reads and the more she learns the more powerful she becomes.  I hope she will share this gift of learning with others.

Meanwhile, there are still hundreds of girls being held captive in Nigeria.  We will not forget about them.  We will not let this go.  Every time I see my daughter's smiling face, I will think of them.  Every time I think of the opportunities she will have, I will think of those girls.  We will not rest until we #BringBackOurGirls!

GIRLS RULE
#BringBackOurGirls

Happy Mother's Day to the Motherless Daughters!

My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  After I lost my mom in 2007, Mother’s Day has been a hard day for me.  There is no avoiding it.  It’s everywhere, the stores, the radio, television ads, social media, everywhere.  But this Mother’s Day is bitter sweet.  It’s still a difficult day.  I still don’t have my mom, but it is my first year as a mother.  I have quickly come to realize that the 7 months of my life with my baby have been the best 7 months of my life and there is no greater joy than to be her mother.  I have written before how my daughter has helped me heal from the loss of my mother.  I think I will continue to heal a little this Mother’s Day as well, because this year, I get the honor and privilege of being Catalina’s Mom.

Happy Mother's Day to the Motherless Daughters! I know you wish you could sleep through this day. But remember, you are a reflection of a great woman! And even if you aren't a mother, you are a mother like figure to someone, and they are a reflection of another great woman!   

#BringBackOurGirls

Why does the world not care about girls?  I have been so saddened, sickened, concerned, disgusted, with the kidnapping of a school of girls in Nigeria.  I have read many online articles, but I'm shocked by how even reputable news sites don't have the facts.  I have read there are 190 kidnapped girls, 234 kidnaped girls, 276 kidnapped girls.  I have read they were kidnaped on March 14th, April 16th, and April 21st.  It's as if we are saying, the girls aren't even important for us to get the facts right, let alone get real media attention.

The Nigerian government has done nothing as these girls have been sold into "marriage," read slavery, read raped, for $12 each.  A Nigerian Islamist Militant group is taking credit for this terrorist act, but meanwhile, activist Naomi Mutah is being arrested for leading the campaign #BringBackOurGirls and Nigeria's first lady had ordered women to stop protesting.

I've always been interested in human rights and women rights.  I studied international politics in college, because I thought I could make a difference in this world globally, and never have I felt that need more than now, as a mother of a girl.  What if it was my baby girl?  Some people may think a country thousands of miles away has no effect on my daughter, but I want her to know girls matter.  I want her to grow up in a world that values girls. I want her to know her life, and that of girls around the world, is worth something.  The world needs to stand up and show all girls, they are worth more than $12, their lives, their rights, their bodies, their happiness, their freedom is priceless!

What can you do? Let's show First Lady Jonathan that, we will NEVER stop fighting for our girls.  You can sign the White House Petition and you can sign the Change.org Petition.  Even if media has been slow to cover this, you can spread the word.  That's the beauty of social media.  Use the hash tag #BringBackOurGirls.  Blog about it. Talk about it. Be outraged about it. If you are in Chicago, you can rally in solidarity on Saturday May 10th in Daley Plaza.  If you aren't in Chicago, there will be a rally in your area.  You can find them by doing a simple search of the #BringBackOurGirls and your city.

#BringBackOurGirls, because they are all our daughters!

40 Days of No Facebook

I gave up Facebook for lent, and I was hoping for some great revelation.  Something along the lines of “it was great to spend more time with my family.”  Or maybe something like “It was a relief to not have to come up with a witty status update that didn’t involve the weather.”   Sadly my revelation was simply, “this is so inconvenient.” I did not learn sacrifice or improve my relationship with God in any way. 

I am Board President of the Chicago Chapter of the National Organization for Women, in order to organize, I use Facebook as a tool daily.  Whether it is for networking or sharing information.  I will admit, I had to sneak on there quickly to get some stuff done that I couldn’t do without it, like to share a Facebook event invitation. I tried to come up with creative ways to do what I needed to do, but in the end Facebook was often the best tool.  I guess the positive is, I am efficiently using that tool. 

During lent, technically a little more than 40 days, my baby has grown up so much.  She has rolled over, crawled, started sitting by herself and started eating baby food.  She has grown so fast.  I feel like many out of state family and friends have missed out on seeing this.  The next picture I post (that only friends and family can see) is going to make them shocked.   I missed sharing my pride and joy with people who have known me for so long.

I feel like I have missed what’s trending in the world.  I’ve missed that cute youtube video.  I’ve missed what the popular song is.  I’ve missed the story about heroism or that tragic disgusting story.  Don’t get me wrong, I still read and watch lots and lots of news, but I miss seeing what other people think is interesting or worthy of sharing. I missed knowing what big events are happening in people’s lives.  I know there is so much I have missed out on.

I really missed not being on Facebook during the elections.  I missed what people were saying or debating.  I missed staying connected while also trying to run the CNOW PAC.  Social media has become a necessary part of campaigns. 

A few days ago, the talented Gabriel Garcia Marquez died. I missed having people to mourn with.  Marquez was the Latin American author.  He made realism magico popular and received the Nobel Prize in literature for his work.  He painted a picture of Colombia that was something more than La Violencia (both the era & the violence).  He was famous for his novel A Hundred Years of Solitude, but one of my all time favorite novels is Love in a time of Colera.  Without Facebook, I wasn’t connected to my friends who felt the deep sadness of a world without such a gifted writer in it.  I missed sharing that loss and discussing it. 

In conclusion, the benefits and convenience of Facebook out weigh the distractions of it. I learned that Facebook is now a common part of my life as email is.  I wouldn’t give up email or my telephone, so I shouldn’t give up Facebook.  I just have to remember that everything in life is ok in moderation.