Words Matter

Maybe this blog should be prefaced with “you done set me off now.”

I have never held back when it came to social media.  I have always been open.  I know a lot of people disagree with that decision, but I have always wanted to share the good and the bad, and encourage dialogue. If I’m going through something so is someone else out there.  If I can make someone smile then why not share? But recently, I made the decision to show less of my daughter on social media.  A decision I made very easily after a facebook comment was posted referring to her as a “hoochie momma.” I know people will think I am over-reacting, but I’m not subjecting my daughter to be degraded even if it is just a joke. 

I am raising a mini-feminist.  I use this term loosely to mean a girl who is proud to be a girl and who knows that her gender should not hold her back from her dreams.  I want her to have self-confidence and to believe in herself.  If she doesn’t believe in herself, who will (other than her father and me of course)?  I have said before that the cards are stacked against her, because she is a Latina.  But I believe, if we work hard to create a safe space at home for her to grow, learn, and dream then the realities of the world will be more manageable and she can overcome any obstacle. 

I don’t think, as women, we should be calling other women “hoochie momma” or the b-word or any other derogatory term.  I know some women see calling each other “bitches” is cute or funny.  Maybe they see it as a way to reclaim power over the word like the N-word in hip-hop (a topic for another day).  But I believe in the power of words.  I would much rather spend my energy empowering women then reclaiming power in a word.  I would never call my BFF or other friends my bitches, because they are so much better than that.  They are my sisters.  They are queens and the language I use should reflect that.  I want my daughter to know this.  She should respect other girls.  She should foster those relationships, not see other girls as competition or the enemy.  I don’t want to hear other women call each other “hoochie mommas” and I definitely don’t want them calling my 2-month-old daughter one.  Again, some may think I’m taking this too serious, but I’m raising a girl, this is serious business. 

I am by no means a public figure, but I can now understand why public figures are so protective of their children.  Jay-Z and Beyonce rarely show their daughter Blue Ivy, but when she appeared in a video recently, I heard people say “she’s not that cute.”  Kanye and Kim Kardashian released a picture of their daughter and people started accusing Kim of getting her baby’s eyebrows waxed.  These are babies we are talking about.  Leave them alone.  They are all beautiful baby girls.  Thick eyebrows, unibrows or no eyebrows, these baby girls are gorgeous. 

We need to teach our children that whether they are the daughter of someone famous or a nine to fiver, it is who they are as a person that matters not what they see in the mirror (or more accurately, what others see in a picture).  These are just babies, but our girls are smart.  They start to pick up on subtle and not so subtle comments about body images.  We need to teach our girls that math and science are more important than appearances.  Let’s get them interested in the chemistry behind make-up, the physics behind the heels, and the biology behind their beautiful curves.  Let’s teach them about the history of their people and remind them that they are fierce because of the strength of their ancestors.  My daughter is a baby, but already she is beautiful, tough, smart, perceptive, intuitive, sweet, loving, joyous, and a fighter.  Notice no, where in that list is “hoochie momma.” 

Over reacting or not, there will be no Girls Gone Wild in my house, just this over protective, over analyzing, Mom Gone Wild.  My daughter needs girl power, so I’ll save her pictures for those who I know will appreciate her for her complicated nature and empower her!

My Daughter's Message
Is Worth Ending With