I am a week out of the operating room and the final pathology report came in today. That is the operating room I was in for seven hours with meticulous Surgeons and staff and the report that will determine my future. As we hoped, the cancer did not have time to spread anywhere else. I will not need chemotherapy or radiation. Merry Christmas to my family and me! This is my big miracle.
I keep telling myself the worst is over, but my wounds are fresh and the scars are deep. Sometimes it's hard to believe this isn't the worst. But the truth is, in the journey of love, the worst is in fact over and I continue to be showered with love and support.
Through the pain and confusion I am filled with a gratefulness that I don't know how I will ever be able to ever repay.
Thank you!
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Monday, December 5, 2016
Small Miracles
We often look for big miracles in life. When my cousin Mikey died, I thought I would wake up from the nightmare and realize it was just a horrible dream. I have a friend that physically could not get pregnant. I prayed she would defy science. With a cancer diagnosis, I think people dream of the tumor being gone minutes before the surgery to remove it. I hope for that miracle too, but I've learned to appreciate the small miracles, the everyday miracles.
With the big prayers come so many small miracles, we just have to open our eyes and see them. My husband first found the lump while we were lying down in bed. He rolled over and reached his arm over me. Almost instantly he said "what was that?" The small lump can only be felt when I'm laying down. It can’t be felt if I'm turned or sitting. When the doctor examined me, she said "most people wouldn't have caught that." (Thanks for saving my life A!) It was a small miracle that we found the lump so soon.
When I called to schedule a breast MRI, I was given an appointment in one week and one day. Shortly after setting the appointment the nurse called me back. She said the doctor wanted me to get the testing done sooner because of my menstrual cycle; otherwise I would have to wait until next month. I went in two days earlier. Maybe someone was just really efficient at their job, or maybe it was a small miracle.
When I got the test results to the MRI at 4:15 pm on a Tuesday (the office closes at 4:30), there was one appointment left for an ultrasound and biopsy on Wednesday morning at 7:30 am (the first appointment) or I could wait another day. I took that first appointment recognizing, though not fully, the value of it.
Last week I learned the doctors believe the cancer is in its very early stages, so early I may not need chemotherapy or radiation. The many prayers provided me with yet another miracle. This was the best case scenario!
It was an easy decision to be aggressive with surgery, but with the holidays, there were no surgery appointments available in December. I know the difference a month made with my mom's cancer. It was the difference from them not thinking she had cancer, to having stage 3 cancer. One month, that's what it took! But then...someone cancelled, and I was given two weeks to prepare. A small or maybe the large miracle I was waiting for.
I am a little scared, but with lots of prayers and small miracles I know it will all be ok. My daughter was playing in the first snow fall of the year today and she said "it is beautiful out here." The snow that adults curse and the cold that bites your skin was beautiful to her. I watched her laugh, sing and play. We caught snowflakes in our mouth and we spun around as we watched them fall on our faces. Every snowflake was a miracle. That moment with my daughter was a miracle. She is my miracle. She is right, it's beautiful out here, and I'm not taking anything for granted.
With the big prayers come so many small miracles, we just have to open our eyes and see them. My husband first found the lump while we were lying down in bed. He rolled over and reached his arm over me. Almost instantly he said "what was that?" The small lump can only be felt when I'm laying down. It can’t be felt if I'm turned or sitting. When the doctor examined me, she said "most people wouldn't have caught that." (Thanks for saving my life A!) It was a small miracle that we found the lump so soon.
When I called to schedule a breast MRI, I was given an appointment in one week and one day. Shortly after setting the appointment the nurse called me back. She said the doctor wanted me to get the testing done sooner because of my menstrual cycle; otherwise I would have to wait until next month. I went in two days earlier. Maybe someone was just really efficient at their job, or maybe it was a small miracle.
When I got the test results to the MRI at 4:15 pm on a Tuesday (the office closes at 4:30), there was one appointment left for an ultrasound and biopsy on Wednesday morning at 7:30 am (the first appointment) or I could wait another day. I took that first appointment recognizing, though not fully, the value of it.
Last week I learned the doctors believe the cancer is in its very early stages, so early I may not need chemotherapy or radiation. The many prayers provided me with yet another miracle. This was the best case scenario!
It was an easy decision to be aggressive with surgery, but with the holidays, there were no surgery appointments available in December. I know the difference a month made with my mom's cancer. It was the difference from them not thinking she had cancer, to having stage 3 cancer. One month, that's what it took! But then...someone cancelled, and I was given two weeks to prepare. A small or maybe the large miracle I was waiting for.
I am a little scared, but with lots of prayers and small miracles I know it will all be ok. My daughter was playing in the first snow fall of the year today and she said "it is beautiful out here." The snow that adults curse and the cold that bites your skin was beautiful to her. I watched her laugh, sing and play. We caught snowflakes in our mouth and we spun around as we watched them fall on our faces. Every snowflake was a miracle. That moment with my daughter was a miracle. She is my miracle. She is right, it's beautiful out here, and I'm not taking anything for granted.
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