my body and reconstruction of my life. Often we focus on the struggles with a cancer diagnosis, but as we move towards "reconstruction," I want to take a minute to say "thank you cancer." Through this process I have learned so much about myself and about those around me.
Thank you cancer for allowing me to see myself as the strong, beautiful, amazing woman I really am. I was in a situation where for a long time I lost myself. It took losing all of my hair to see the sparkle in my eye and my true beauty both inside and out. Whether it is a big meeting at work or a party, it takes courage and confidence to walk into a room with my head held high and smile on my face. I even have a bounce in my step that wasn't there before.
I used to care a lot about what people thought of me, but as I have fought through this battle I care less and less what others think of me. Recently, I walked into a room and I could tell that they had just been talking about me. I used all that confidence I had learned and I didn't let it phase me. People can talk, but I am comfortable with who I am. I know who I am. I predict this will help me personally and professionally for years to come.
Thank you cancer for the confidence.
Thank you cancer for helping me become more self-aware.
My daughter and I have this thing that started when I first got diagnosed with cancer. I couldn't help but to be afraid of my own mortality. I would tell her no matter what happens in life to always remember the love. Now, when I say "always remember..." she finishes with a big "THE LOVE!!!!!!" I, will always, always, remember the love.
I have seen the love in long ago reliable friendships and in completely unexpected hopeless places. I have felt the love of family and friends in their big actions and sometimes in the smallest of actions. Whether it was my brother's best friend moving me into my new place or my mom's best friends rushing in my apartment at 10pm on a Saturday night to make sure I had air conditioning and would be comfortable I have felt safe and loved. I have felt the love in meals bought, delivered and cooked in my kitchen. I have held on to the love in the worries, the fears and the tears, but I have also swam in the love of laughter. I have kept the love in the daily "how was your day" messages and I'm never letting it go. Love is taking me to a BBQ joint and walking right out when I couldn't handle the smells. Love is eating sushi with me at midnight. With every hair cut, every piece of pie, and every cranberry and vodka I have felt the love. In this experience, I have learned not to focus on the people who haven't been there, but to live embraced by the love of the many people who have been with me every step of the way. I have learned to be motivated by the love of all of those who believe in me.
I have never in my life felt so loved. I also don't think I have ever felt so worthy of the love nor have I accepted love the way I am able to now.
Thank you cancer for allowing me to experience love in all of its many forms.
Though no one wants to battle cancer, I can see the gifts it has given me and I am grateful. I am becoming who I am meant to me.
Thank you cancer.