You Are A Mother Now

It is election season, my favorite time of any year. I love the excitement of a good campaign. Generally, I like strategizing. I edit all that annoying mail or suggest press or field plans. I use to get paid for it, but now that I have a grown up job (read: boring in comparison) I only get to help on evenings and weekends. I have learned that the best campaign work happens walking the streets and knocking on doors. That is where I can learn the most for strategizing. That's where I can get a real sense of what people are feeling.

On Saturday, I canvassed, and I was reminded "your a mother now" from the minute I was about to walk out the door. My daughter gave me the dirtiest where-do-you-think-you-are-going look. It was Saturday and that mother guilt was strong. Saturday is usually her day. I knew finding balance would be hard, but I could never have imagined the guilt I would feel that came with being a working and active mother. 

I made it to the campaign office that was buzzing with energy. I walked a precinct, and as I expected, I learned a lot about the campaign and district. After, the physical effects of "you are a mother now" took effect. I have been told that my emergency c-section could take a year or years to recover from. I hear these words but grasping them is more difficult.  Not being able to do what I use to do easily before my pregnancy frustrates me. "You are a mother now"echoes in my head, and I worry that balance isn't in the stars for me.

Later that night I sat in bed with my daughter. We were playing the laughing game. We stared at each other. She would laugh so I laughed, which made her laugh more. It always becomes a laughing cycle. My husband said, "It's been years since you have been this happy. In fact, I don't even know if I have ever seen you this happy."  I smile at him and tell him, "You haven't, because I have never been this happy."  

The high of a campaign victory is nothing in comparison to her laugh.  But while, being a mother has changed everything, I am still me. And it is because of that laughter that I know I may never find balance, but I can come close.  The work I do is to make the world she lives in better.  I don't have to give up what I am good at.  I'm often told "you are a mother now" in reference to everything I can't do, but I think maybe it should be used more as inspiration.  Inspiration to do what I love and I am good at, while shaping the world we live in.  I understand that maybe I will have to make Saturday morning sacrifices, but that will make Saturday nights all the more sweeter.

Yes, I am a mother now.