The Sign

Sometimes you get signs and you don't know what they mean and sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks and the point is so obvious, there is no ignoring it.  Last week, I was hit with a ton of bricks, and it felt surprisingly great!

I am BRCA2 positive, I have written many times about my cancer gene.  I've written about my fears when I found out I was having a daughter, healing from losing my mom to cancer, and living without my mom. Last week, I had some screenings done as part of being proactive for early detection.  It's always a scary thing, even if the test are routine.  You can't help to think "what if."  As I was in the waiting room I suddenly felt very sorry for myself.  I was the youngest person in the waiting room except for a woman my age who was with her mother.  I couldn't stop the tear from rolling down my cheek.  My thoughts included "I shouldn't have to get this test done so early," "this should be my mom's routine test," and "I should have my mom here to ask her my questions about the procedure."  I am usually a positive thinking person, for a moment, I just wanted things to be different.  The lady performing the test was very nice and the test was much easier than the one I had earlier that morning. She asked me many questions, because "we don't get many of these cases." I am always happy to educate.  The more we talk about BRCA2 and ovarian cancer the more relevant it becomes and the more we can all learn. I have always thought if someone can learn from my mom's experience than her death wasn't in vain. 

As I was leaving, I was feeling a little better, but my heart was still heavy.  Then I received a  text message and picture from my childhood best friend.  The message read:

As I was putting my laundry away this morning, this fell out of the pile of clothes.  I don't even know how it got there.  All I know is that it put a big smile on my face.

My BFF & My Mami

My mom sent me a message.  But the way she sent it to me was so significant.  It wasn't a song or a reminder that she is with me.  It was a reminder, that she did not leave me here alone.  My best friend is my angel on earth.  No one knows me better.  No one knows where I came from or where I'm going better.  No one can relate to my broken heart over the loss of my mom better than she can.  I am grateful for her strength, her courage and her love and I know my mom is grateful for it too.  

We are not alone!