6 Years

Dear Mom,

Jenny V.
Loving Mother
August 5, 1960 - November 13, 2007

This anniversary is so much harder than the others.  Maybe it is the hormones or maybe it is the fact that I have never needed you more.  I have missed you over the years.  I miss you everyday, but lately I need you everyday.  There is a big difference between missing and needing.  I wish I could call you and say, “Mom the weather is sixty degrees, how do I dress the baby for this weather?”  or “Mom, how do I use this blue moco ball thing?”

Six years, and so much has happened.  It was so long ago and so recent all at the same time.  My brother has done so much from the peace corp. to ironman to veep.  I am so proud of your “baby boy.”  I know you are watching him, but I wish you were here to hug him and congratulate him.  I can see it if I close my eyes. 

In six years you had a new niece born.  She is something else.  She is fierce and I don’t think this world is ready for her.  Your other niece, the one that was like a granddaughter to you, she is the funny one.  I know you would love her sense of humor.  Their brother is still the good kid he’s always been.  Well really, he’s turned into a great man, but that’s still hard to face.  The oldest niece, she is just as amazing.  She is as beautiful and smart as always.  She could use your affection though.  Over the years, more than once, she has told me how much she misses your hugs. 

Of course it wasn’t all good things you missed.  I’m glad you missed the passing of your nephew.  I don’t think it is something you would have been able to handle.  As strong as you were this one would have broken you.  But I take comfort in knowing he is with you in heaven. 

I got a grown up job.  You know, a paid one that isn’t a temporary campaign job.  I’ve met some great people and some lifetime friends like the Kell(e)ys.  You use to say if someone was good to your kids, then that was the greatest gift they could ever give you.  They have given you a great gift. With the baby lots of people have been helping so you have been given lots of gifts.  

I missed you so much last year at my wedding.  Your presence was felt everywhere though and I was determined to make it the happy day I knew we all needed.  It was.  It was the happiest day of my life at the time (with the day I graduated from college a close second).  It was only trumped by October 12, 2013 when my “baby girl” was born.  She is so perfect mom.  I need your help, but more than anything I want to see you hold her, and I want you to know my greatest accomplishment.  I want you to know that I’m trying to remember everything I can about the mother you were so I can do my best to be just as good of a mom.   

I look back to our last morning together six years ago.  The truth is it was a perfect morning, or as perfect as it could be in the hospital.  You woke up and asked me for your make up, because your uncle was coming to town to see you.  As you put on your make up, I played one of your favorite songs Cali Pachenguero by Grupo Niche.  I danced that song with my daughter in my arms today.  In her room, just the two of us with tears and a smile we danced. And she stared at me with a look that said, “Mom has lost it.”  Probably the same look I gave you when you were goofy.  I smiled back at her closed my eyes and I could still see you smiling at me as you put your make up on six years ago.  I can think of no better way to remember you than to hold her, love her, and dance with her. 

Please continue to watch over us. 

I love you and miss you.

C