Thoughts on my Ovaries

Right before my 21st birthday my mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  We had what is now better known as the Angelina Jolie genetic testing done.  My mom and I were both BRCA2 positive.  

For a long time, I feared my ovaries.  Not only did they mean I would get paid less than men, but they also were the haven that cancer could someday grow in.  Ovaries were life taking, especially 6 years ago when my mom passed away after her long battle with her Ovarian Cancer.  I thought this way until this past February when I found out I was going to be a mom.  My ovaries went from life threatening, to life giving.  

I was overjoyed and scared (of course).  At 16 weeks we found out I was growing a briliant feminist girl.  In that split second when my husband and I were told my thoughts went from shock to fear.  What if I gave her my cancer gene?!?!  This ominous gene isn't something I think about everyday, but in this great moment of joy, that is where my mind went to.  Seeing her wave her little hand on the ultrasound helped calm my nerves a bit.  And I find myself having an inexplicable faith that everything is going to be okay.  

This morning I had a thought.  What if my daughter asks me someday if I am going to get sick and die like grandma.  What will I tell her?  And this is what I came up with:

No, I'm not going to die, because your grandma was a warrior.  She fought long and hard.  She was brave, and she got tested so she could find out if I was at risk.  Because she did that, I have been able to take precautions.  I took medicine for many years, which will help prevent me from getting sick.  I drank my antioxidants in tea.  I went to all my doctor check ups.  I had blood tests done so I could easily detect cancer if necessary.  I gave blood, lots and lots of blood to science, so they could study it and come up with a cure.  I did all this because grandma was so brave and strong.  But what is going to save me from getting sick is you.  Having you, helps reduce my chances of getting sick.  You are my miracle drug, my angel.  And now that I am a mom, I know that if I do get sick, I will fight like hell to stay with you always, because that is what my mom taught me to do.  

My ovaries and cancer are scary things, but the woman my mom taught me to be is scarier, and I hope I teach my daughter to be just as fierce.