What's in a Name?

Naming a baby is hard work.  I want her to have a playground safe, but strong name.  I want her to have a name that reflects our culture, our family, our hope for her, but I also want to leave her room to be an individual.  It is so much more than just picking something pretty.  It needs to be unique, but not crazy.  I even think of how it will look on a resume. 

Many people assume I’m going to name my baby after my mom.  I want to honor my mom, but I also know my mom didn’t really like her name.  I also have 30 plus first cousins and many of them have kids of their own.  I don’t want to “take” anyone else’s name.  And trust me, I’m pretty convinced they’ve already taken some of the best names for their kids.  Sometimes I think, “darn it, I should have had a baby earlier so all the good names wouldn’t be taken.”

Then of course there is the fact that her father and I hardly agree on any names.  What does that mean for us as parents?  I find myself wondering, “how are we ever going to agree on parenting when we can’t agree on a name?!?!?”  But there is one name we agree on, her last name.  She will have my husband’s last name. 

I’m a little surprised about some of the comments I received when I didn’t change my last name when I got married.  I’m also a little surprised that so many of my friends did change their names when they got married, but I understand that it is a very personal decision.  I wonder why, in today’s day in age, keeping your maiden name is still controversial.  In many Latin American countries women keep their last name, which is unexpected given the ‘machismo’ cultures. If they are ok with it, why aren’t we? 

Keeping my last name was important to me for many reasons.  First, even as I child I couldn’t grasp the concept of why women have to change their names.  When my mom explained that some women don’t I promised myself that, I never would.  My mom said I’d change my mind when I had my own children and my dad said I would change my mind when my husband made me.  Of course dad’s statement only reaffirmed my vow to myself  and even made it a little deeper. 

Later, I didn’t like the idea of being called anything other than the name I had been called my whole life.  Marriage did not mean I was losing me.  I was happy to gain a life partner, to have him as my family, and I hope we grow and evolve together, but I never want to lose myself in him.  I think this is an invaluable lesson I would like to teach my daughter too. 

Finally, my last name represented my father.  The man who more than anyone in this world, even my mother, made me who I am today.  I wanted to keep that, and I think that’s why I want my daughter to have my husband’s last name.  I know what a great impact he will have on her and her life.  I know first hand how important that bond is. 

On the issue of my baby girl’s last name, there are no arguments.  Now if we could only get things together and figure out the rest of her name.   But no matter what her name ends up being, I hope she will know it came from a place of love and good intentions.  I hope she will take it and create her own name in this world.