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Friday, February 3, 2017

Our Daughters Are Watching

This morning Catalina randomly asked me "mommy your owie doesn't hurt anymore?" I told her it does still hurt, and it would likely hurt for a while but eventually it would go away.  Then I asked her if she was worried about my owie. She said, "well when someone has an owie, you are suppose to ask if they are ok."  She was just being considerate or polite. Either way my 3 year old made me proud. 

Though I previously thought chemotherapy would not be part of my treatment plan, later test showed a high likelihood for reoccurrence. Over the next 12 weeks, I will undergo 4 treatments. I thought telling loved ones "I have cancer" was difficult, it is nothing compared to the fear of how I will explain my hair loss to my daughter. We are experiencing many changes and I don't want those spinning wheels in her head that randomly think of mama's owie to worry her. 

I have a few weeks before we need to have this conversation. If I tell her too soon she will ask me way too many questions before then. We are in a why/how stage. I know I will make it fun. A head shaving party is in the works and I need some face painting crayons so I can promise to let her draw on my head. And of course a Wonder Woman scarf is on order. I will need to remember my girl power and that my daughter is watching me. No matter how difficult it might be to lose my hair, she is watching so I will confidently remind myself and her that "I am not my hair." 

I am reminded of the strength of my mom and of countless other women, who in the midst of adversity or even the day-to-day business remember "our daughters are watching."

3 comments:

  1. Not every person reacts the same to chemo. You may feel tired or drained the next day or you may find you have another superpower (You have so many already!) & be able to push through, especially in front of your daughter. My mother would be back at work the next day and found serving others (She served vulnerable populations.) was her superpower to push through. Most people didn't even know she was going through treatments. Have faith that you will find your superpower to be present for Catalina and to protect her innocence from having to worry. You are a part of a league of superheroes who have been through this and are ready to stand by you! Be encouraged! Hugs!

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  2. As ever, I am moved by both your strength and your honest vulnerability. I'm holding you in my heart & prayer as you go through this next stage. Catalina sounds amazing.

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  3. Cristina may God continue to bless you with wisdom and Grace thank you for being open and as raw as possible you are loved and admire by many and I will always have nothing but love for you

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