Working Mom in Progress

I have now been a working mom longer than I was on maternity leave.  It has not been easy these past couple of months, but we have managed to get through it.  Leaving my baby in the morning is still hard, and I still rush to get home to her in the evenings.  Even though I am exhausted, I don’t complain about the late night feedings, because it means I get to spend time with her.  There are just some days, in the wee hours of the morning, when we are too tired to talk.  On those days, we just smile at each other.

I love being a mom, but being a working mom still needs to grow on me.  I am pretty confident it will, because I can’t imagine not working.  I just wish I had more time to spend with my baby.  I’m afraid there is so much I’m missing.  But here is where I remind myself that part of my job as a mom is leading by example. I want her to know she can be superwoman if she wants to be, but no one expects her to be anything other than human. I want her to know if she wants a career and a family she can have both, but it might take me some time to learn for myself before I can teach her how to have both. Here is what I have learned in two months:

·      Many women do this day in and day out.  They are called sheroes.

·      My baby gets mad when I leave her all day, but when she wakes up at 3am and sees me ready to care for her, she ALWAYS forgets she was ever mad at me and gives me her biggest smile.

·      Now that I am a mom to a girl there are things that are more important to me, like how people talk or treat me.  I don’t want her to think it is ever ok for anyone to disrespect her so I demand respect always, because I want her to do the same.

·      That being said some little things that would bother me in the past don’t now, because in the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter.

·      Time management is key.  If I don’t manage my time well, everything will be thrown off. 

·      Sometimes, MANY TIMES, I won’t get everything done that I need to. That’s ok.

·      We can fit a lot of playtime, story time, and tummytime in between the time I get home from work and bedtime.

·      My body and mind will tell me when it’s just too much.  That’s when I need to make sure I ask for help and rest. 

·      My baby is never far from my thoughts. 

·      No matter what happens during the day, I get to go home to love.  I’m so grateful for this.  This is something I will never take for granted.

I’m sure as soon as I think I have being a working mom all figured out, something will change.  But this is a challenge I look forward to.  I already know it is a challenge I will never regret. 

Precious Moments

I've had a lot of great and amazing moments in my life. Being at the President's 2008 campaign headquarters on Election Day, working on Capitol Hill, the many famous politicians, actors, musicians, civil rights leaders I have met, are just a few moments that come to mind in this extraordinary ordinary life I lead.  My life has been truly blessed.

In spite of these exciting moments in my life, I have never been happier. I have never felt like I had truly lived or loved until now. There are no words to express how much I love being a mom.

Those awesome moments in my life have been nothing in comparison to the everyday little moments I share with my daughter. Travel experiences have been replaced with the Catalina Express, moving the bassinet from the living room to the bedroom and vice versa, which involves choo-choo sounds and results in big toothless smiles. The theater has been replaced with a puppet show using her Frida Kahlo and Jane Austin dolls. They chant, "You can be a writer. You can be a painter. You can be anything you want to be." Dance clubs have been replaced with dancing & singing in the nursery. We love lullabies from around the world, baby hip hop lullabies, classical music, pop music, and of course the chicken dance. Political debates are replaced with "Gooos & gaaas" as she lays between my husband & me in the "big bed" and tries to tell us a story. We listen with an intense focus, because she is quite literally the center of our world.

I have concluded that of all my experiences and moments in life, these moments with my daughter are the most fulfilling. I have said it before, but every day it becomes more true. The little things in life are the best things! 

Beautiful Battle Scars

As a mom you learn to get creative.  I learned early on the only way I could get a shower in was if I took the bouncer in the bathroom and put the baby in there.  That normally gives me about a 10-15 minute shower, just what I need.  The other day I was pulling this maneuver and when I got out of the shower the baby was staring at my stretch marks.  I smiled at her and said “Those are my battle scars, aren’t they beautiful?!?!?”  And with her impeccable timing, she smiled back at me, making that statement all the more true.  They are so beautiful.  When I look at them I don’t remember the difficult pregnancy or the difficult labor.  I just think of that smile.

There are some big lessons in my beautiful battle scars for my daughter, and I hope she will always remember them.

1.    My body, with all of its imperfections is beautiful.  It is a body that has allowed me to live and love, and I have the marks to prove it.  Her body, is just as perfect in it’s imperfection (I see no imperfections, but I’m sure she will find some in herself someday) and she should love it for everything it is worth.  She too should take full advantage of her body and live and love in it.

2.    It might seem cliché, but it is what is in the inside that counts.  Physically my body has changed over the years, but I have only grown.  It doesn’t matter what the outside looks like as long as I keep the inside beautiful. 

3.    I will never shy away from any battle or any scar if her health and safety are at stake.  I will always be ready to fight for her and I will wear any scar that results from that with pride.

“Those are my battle scars, aren’t they beautiful?!?!?”  Those scars are my badge of honor, and she is my victory!

Words Matter

Maybe this blog should be prefaced with “you done set me off now.”

I have never held back when it came to social media.  I have always been open.  I know a lot of people disagree with that decision, but I have always wanted to share the good and the bad, and encourage dialogue. If I’m going through something so is someone else out there.  If I can make someone smile then why not share? But recently, I made the decision to show less of my daughter on social media.  A decision I made very easily after a facebook comment was posted referring to her as a “hoochie momma.” I know people will think I am over-reacting, but I’m not subjecting my daughter to be degraded even if it is just a joke. 

I am raising a mini-feminist.  I use this term loosely to mean a girl who is proud to be a girl and who knows that her gender should not hold her back from her dreams.  I want her to have self-confidence and to believe in herself.  If she doesn’t believe in herself, who will (other than her father and me of course)?  I have said before that the cards are stacked against her, because she is a Latina.  But I believe, if we work hard to create a safe space at home for her to grow, learn, and dream then the realities of the world will be more manageable and she can overcome any obstacle. 

I don’t think, as women, we should be calling other women “hoochie momma” or the b-word or any other derogatory term.  I know some women see calling each other “bitches” is cute or funny.  Maybe they see it as a way to reclaim power over the word like the N-word in hip-hop (a topic for another day).  But I believe in the power of words.  I would much rather spend my energy empowering women then reclaiming power in a word.  I would never call my BFF or other friends my bitches, because they are so much better than that.  They are my sisters.  They are queens and the language I use should reflect that.  I want my daughter to know this.  She should respect other girls.  She should foster those relationships, not see other girls as competition or the enemy.  I don’t want to hear other women call each other “hoochie mommas” and I definitely don’t want them calling my 2-month-old daughter one.  Again, some may think I’m taking this too serious, but I’m raising a girl, this is serious business. 

I am by no means a public figure, but I can now understand why public figures are so protective of their children.  Jay-Z and Beyonce rarely show their daughter Blue Ivy, but when she appeared in a video recently, I heard people say “she’s not that cute.”  Kanye and Kim Kardashian released a picture of their daughter and people started accusing Kim of getting her baby’s eyebrows waxed.  These are babies we are talking about.  Leave them alone.  They are all beautiful baby girls.  Thick eyebrows, unibrows or no eyebrows, these baby girls are gorgeous. 

We need to teach our children that whether they are the daughter of someone famous or a nine to fiver, it is who they are as a person that matters not what they see in the mirror (or more accurately, what others see in a picture).  These are just babies, but our girls are smart.  They start to pick up on subtle and not so subtle comments about body images.  We need to teach our girls that math and science are more important than appearances.  Let’s get them interested in the chemistry behind make-up, the physics behind the heels, and the biology behind their beautiful curves.  Let’s teach them about the history of their people and remind them that they are fierce because of the strength of their ancestors.  My daughter is a baby, but already she is beautiful, tough, smart, perceptive, intuitive, sweet, loving, joyous, and a fighter.  Notice no, where in that list is “hoochie momma.” 

Over reacting or not, there will be no Girls Gone Wild in my house, just this over protective, over analyzing, Mom Gone Wild.  My daughter needs girl power, so I’ll save her pictures for those who I know will appreciate her for her complicated nature and empower her!

My Daughter's Message
Is Worth Ending With

Lunas I love to the Moon

We were a package deal.
When he married me he got a sister.

My husband and I were talking about how friends sometimes become your family, and how they are special because they are the people you choose as your family.  I started thinking of my best friend Alicia.  I was thinking about how I know I can rely on her if I need to.  I was thinking about how her entire family has embraced me and now they embrace my family.  I wanted to give them a proper Facebook shout out, and as I began typing it I realized I had so much to say that it was more than a status update, it was blog worthy. 

Thank you BFF for letting me into your heart over 20 years ago.  Thank you for picking me as your best friend instead of kicking my ass (a real possibility if you know her). There weren’t very many girls in our neighborhood, but from the get go, we were close.  It was us two ready to take on the hood.  You introduced me to your beautiful family.  You shared your precious mom with me.  She was so worried about me living in Washington, DC after September 11 she sent me a baby Jesus bracelet to watch over me.  I wore it through most of my pregnancy and even through labor.  I refused to take it off.  I let a nurse switch it from one wrist to the other, but I had to wear it.  I needed the protection then more than ever, but more than anything, I needed her close to me.  Thank you for mourning her with me, for sharing your experience with me so that when I lost my mom I had someone who got it.  I know they are in heaven both proud and shocked by our behavior (it depends on the day).  I know they are wondering if maybe they each got the wrong daughter, and I know they wouldn’t trade either of us for anything in the world!

Thank you for sharing the men in your life with me.  Thank you for your dad that can do some serious Sam’s club damage when shopping.  Thanks for sharing the big things of popcorn and mayo with me. Thank you for your husband who long ago set the example of what a good man is and who has welcomed my husband as family too.  Thank you for your brothers.  Nothing makes me smile more than when they introduce me to someone as their “other sister.” Thank you Armando for being protective of me when I was young and for having fun at my wedding.  I know it is tough raising a teenage daughter, but I hope she considers me an aunt and as always, you know I’m here.   Thank you to Juan for being such a wonderful father to his kids.  I have always admired him, and I hope I can be such a genuine loving person as he is.  Also, he raised Samantha who has been my lifesaver as I’m reentering the workforce.  I can think of no one I would feel more comfortable leaving my baby with. 

Thanks for all your nieces and your nephews, because I have watched them grow up and blossom.  Thank you for giving me my only Godson who is truly amazing. 

She was having a baby
& still looked great!

Thank you for your daughter who took forever coming into this world, but when she got here, she immediately changed it with a smile.  Thank you for your cousins, who are my cousins, they watched over me, guided me, and believed in me.  They made me laugh and like you, they even got me into a little trouble sometimes.  I was too good, I needed a little trouble in my life.  Thanks for Erik T. too, because like me he’s been adopted into the family and shares those wonderful memories. 

I love that my daughter will grow up with all of these people as family.  I love that she will learn the true value of friendship, because she will see it in our example.  She will learn that there really is nothing that can compare to a true, loyal, and fun friend. From you, from your daughter, from our mothers, from our bond, she will learn GIRL POWER! 

There is no way I can thank you, for being my sister and friend.  Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for the laughter.  Thank you for standing next to me in the happiest days of my life and for holding me up during the worst days of my life.

I love you hermana!

My Matron of Honor in Life

Three Shots

Three shots changed my life today.  

I’ve seen a lot of crazy things in my life.  I’ve been enough blood and gore to give me nightmares.  I’ve seen my mom die of cancer and how it destroyed her body.  I’ve never been squeamish.  But my daughter received three vaccinations today and my heart is hurting.  I almost fainted when I saw blood coming out of her little thigh.  As she cries and whimpers my heart breaks more and more.  I have never experienced anything like this.  My baby is in pain and there is nothing I can do.  

I don’t know how parents do this.  I don’t know how my parents did it.  I don’t know how we are going to get through her first cold, teething, or her first scraped knee.  For now, I will focus on overcoming three shots.