Words Matter Part 2

A while back I wrote how Words Matter.  I've always believe in the power of words. Maybe that is why I love to read so much.  In high school, Brother Ruhl (an amazing English teacher) taught me about le mot juste or the perfect word.  I remember my first job out of college I was working on a press release and I spent way too much time on one word.  I wanted to get it right.  I believe in choosing words wisely, because words can be so powerful.  They can empower or break a person down.

As my daughter begins to develop language skills, I find myself even more aware of the importance of word choice. We are cautious of the words we let her hear on television or the radio.  We are careful of the words we teach her, but she goes to school and even as toddlers they learn so much from their peers.

Language is so much of who we are as people.  My mom never allowed us to say the words "shut up" or "stupid." They were the ultimate disrespect.  As an adult in my home, "I can't" is like nails on a chalkboard. We have taught our daughter to say "I need help" instead of "I can't"

What words do you let into your home/life? What words do you leave out?

The Sign

Sometimes you get signs and you don't know what they mean and sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks and the point is so obvious, there is no ignoring it.  Last week, I was hit with a ton of bricks, and it felt surprisingly great!

I am BRCA2 positive, I have written many times about my cancer gene.  I've written about my fears when I found out I was having a daughter, healing from losing my mom to cancer, and living without my mom. Last week, I had some screenings done as part of being proactive for early detection.  It's always a scary thing, even if the test are routine.  You can't help to think "what if."  As I was in the waiting room I suddenly felt very sorry for myself.  I was the youngest person in the waiting room except for a woman my age who was with her mother.  I couldn't stop the tear from rolling down my cheek.  My thoughts included "I shouldn't have to get this test done so early," "this should be my mom's routine test," and "I should have my mom here to ask her my questions about the procedure."  I am usually a positive thinking person, for a moment, I just wanted things to be different.  The lady performing the test was very nice and the test was much easier than the one I had earlier that morning. She asked me many questions, because "we don't get many of these cases." I am always happy to educate.  The more we talk about BRCA2 and ovarian cancer the more relevant it becomes and the more we can all learn. I have always thought if someone can learn from my mom's experience than her death wasn't in vain. 

As I was leaving, I was feeling a little better, but my heart was still heavy.  Then I received a  text message and picture from my childhood best friend.  The message read:

As I was putting my laundry away this morning, this fell out of the pile of clothes.  I don't even know how it got there.  All I know is that it put a big smile on my face.

My BFF & My Mami

My mom sent me a message.  But the way she sent it to me was so significant.  It wasn't a song or a reminder that she is with me.  It was a reminder, that she did not leave me here alone.  My best friend is my angel on earth.  No one knows me better.  No one knows where I came from or where I'm going better.  No one can relate to my broken heart over the loss of my mom better than she can.  I am grateful for her strength, her courage and her love and I know my mom is grateful for it too.  

We are not alone! 

Dear Daughter: A Random Day with Random Thoughts That Could Be Any Day.

My Dearest Catalina,

You are growing up so fast! There are so many memories I want to keep, like this morning when you said "I see the Chicago water," but you meant the Chicago River. I want to remember you yelling "I have girl power" and the smile on your face when we pick you up at the end of the day.  I want to remember your sweetness and your feistyness (even if that isn't a word).  I want to remember your innocence and the tantrums.  I want to always be challenged by you and always proud of your defiance.  I love that you are "bossy," it means you have leadership skills.  I want to hold everything about you in my pocket and keep it near me always.  I know times will change.  You will change.  I will change.  Life will change.  But I hope that you will always feel my unconditional love and the freedom to be who you want to be.  

I love you,
#CatalinasMom

Signed, The Mother of a Really Awesome Daughter

There was a lot I never thought about before I had a daughter, like "why are the 'boy' easy-ups Thomas the Engine?"  My daughter has a Thomas bed, she loves Thomas (and James and Percy).  Pampers received an unhappy email from me.  Below is my latest email to Thomas and Friends Wooden Railway.  Maybe it is a big deal, maybe it isn't, but I'm going to fight for my baby girl!  I hope she won't even know there was ever an issue and by the time she is old enough, she won't notice the lack of girls on a website of toys she would love. 

All of the models under apparel are boys.  I found only one picture on your entire website of a girl.  

My daughter LOVES Thomas & Friends. Toys should be gender neutral.  This is 2015.  Consider this the "memo" if you haven't received it before, and please fix this, before she is old enough to notice (which means immediately).  I'm sure she is not the only girl that is a Thomas fan.  

Thank you,

The Mother of a Really Awesome Daughter

#CatalinasMom

Saddened, but reminded to be inspired

This is a great loss to the nation & I'm deeply saddened by this. Professor Julian Bond was an adjunct professor at AU. I didn't take his class, but I met with him on the suggestion of another professor for a paper I was working on. I did not truly understand who I was talking to at the time, but I left that meeting inspired. There was one take away from that meeting that I was remembering just last week. He strongly encouraged me to write a book and tell the story of my grandparents. I think NOW might be the time to get started on that project. Their story, the history that Julian Bond was a part of, this is the history I want my daughter to know & keep with her as she travels through life. 

Thank you Professor, for doing your part to make this world a better place. Thank you for your encouragement & inspiration. Thank you for believing in a Latina from Wheeling. Thank you for educating and living what you preached. May you rest in peace. #JulianBond

 https://www.splcenter.org/news/2015/08/16/weve-lost-champion

Julian Bond poses for a portrait in Washington, D.C., on June 21, 2011. Bond died Saturday, Aug. 15, 2015, in Fort Walton Beach, Fla. (Nikki Kahn/The Washington Post)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/obituaries/longtime-civil-rights-activist-bond-dead-at-75/2015/08/16/12223e12-43e2-11e5-9f53-d1e3ddfd0cda_story.html

The First Day

Dear C,

You started daycare today, or "school" as we call it.  It was undoubtedly one of many firsts.  You seemed so confused by all the commotion going on around you, but you handled it like a champ.  You don't know this, but your father and I were a wreck.  You didn't cry when we left you.  You were more intrigued by the little wooden puzzle on the smallest table I've ever seen.  

You also don't know that we peeked in on you while you were napping.  Mom and dad will never not make sure you are safe and happy, but sometimes we will do it from a distance, when you aren't watching so you will feel free to be you.  

We were so proud when your teacher told us how great  you were doing, that you had a new friend, and that you love books.  I stood a little taller and prouder on that last point.  Of course you are a bookworm like mama.

Then around 2:30pm, I got a call that you were upset.  You had worked yourself up and were crying.  My heart broke.  I wanted to run back to pick you up. I wanted to save you.  It is so difficult, but I'm learning there are some things you will just have to do on your own.  I don't know how to let go and let you experience things on your own, but I know I need to.  What I also know, literally now and figuratively when you are older, is that at the end of the day, I will always be there to pick you up.  

I love you baby girl!

Mama

Self-Love: Mommy's Valentine's Day Gift

It was 8:15 at night, two days before Valentine's Day, and I was washing dishes when I realized I should have decorated the house for Valentine's Day. My daughter would have loved it. She would have loved shiny hearts all over the place, but I just didn't have the time to even think of decorating.  A wave of guilt came over me.  My poor baby was going to miss out.  Then, I decided, I am going to give myself a break.

My daughter is a happy baby, because she is surrounded by love.  She is full of giggles and smiles.  She will get over the house not being decorated for Valentine's Day.  A day of love and friendship isn't needed in our house, because we celebrate love and friendship every day.

I also reminded myself that even though I forgot to decorate for the hallmark holiday, there was a point this week where I was the closest thing to superwoman that exists.  I was answering a press inquiry, while dancing to entertain my kid and teaching her a word in Spanish.  I also reminded myself of the text message I got from my aunt after she saw me quoted in the newspaper.  Her text said, "your mom would be proud."  I reminded myself that for every one thing I didn't get done this week, there were ten things I did get done.  I decided I needed to give myself a present this V-Day.  I needed to give myself some self-love.

Mothers do not do this enough.  We are our own worst critics.  We hold ourselves to unreasonable standards.  We want what is best for our babies, but sometimes we forget that what is best for our children is to be healthy and happy ourselves.

I love my husband, I love my daughter, and this year, I am remembering to love myself too.

Happy Valentine's Day Mamas! 

Snapshot

We have survived another year. As 2014 comes to an end, we begin to reflect on the last year. We take a snapshot of our lives and we analyze it. There have been ups and downs, but regardless of both, this year has been wonderful, because I have an amazing family. My daughter turned 1. There are times I sometimes still can't believe I am a mother, but even more surprising is the fact that somehow I have managed to care for this little life for an entire year. She is by far my greatest accomplishment. She amazes me every day, from learning how to talk to her little independent personality. I can overcome anything, because I am her mother. 

Thankfully, I don't do it alone. I have a wonderful husband that my daughter adores and an immediate and extended family that surround us all with love. My snapshot of the year reflects endurance, love, happiness, and family. Sure, we all have resolutions and we can all be better individuals, but even if this is as good as it gets, then I am truly blessed. My wish for all of you is to find the same joy and blessings in your own lives. 

 Happy 2015!

What Can?

I’ve spent a limited time on social media this week.  The news of Robin Williams’ suicide has hit me like a ton of bricks.  I didn’t know him, but like so many others, I was a fan.  This tragedy affects me a little differently though, because I am a survivor of suicide.  This grief is different than anything I have ever experienced.  I thought I was ok, and that I’m moving forward.  But hearing of Robin Williams’ depression and suicide and the different reactions to it, has brought me back to that dreadful year.

On January 18, 2011 my cousin’s father, and my uncle by marriage committed suicide shortly after hanging up the telephone and saying goodbye to my cousin.  My cousin Mikey, was 17 years old.  I’ve lost a parent. I know that grief, but I know nothing of losing a parent to suicide at the young age of 17.  Four months later, to the day, on May 18, 2011 my cousin Mikey went missing.  He too had taken his life. 

I’ve written before on the hole he left in my heart, and how it is difficult for me to talk about it. I am usually an open book, but this is difficult for me.  For the most part, I remember the loving cousin and friend he was to me.  I miss his love of politics.  There are days, like when I took my daughter to her first bill signing, that I think, “Mikey would have been here with us” or “Mikey would have loved this.”  I remember him often and I tell my daughter about him.  But hearing about Robin Williams brought back, the reminder of how Mikey and his dad died.  It brought back the reminder that there are people out there with smiles on their faces that are suffering so deeply. 

The statements that someone who commits suicide is a coward or weak only brings anger.  Mikey and his dad were not cowards, they were sick.  They were just as sick as my mom who died of cancer.  My mom wasn't a coward, because she got cancer.  In fact, if I had one last chance to speak with Mikey, I would tell him I forgive him.  Survivors of suicide often ask themselves all the time “what if.”  The anger and the questions of what if are useless.  Instead we should ask “what can…”  What can we do to make sure this doesn’t happen to someone else?  What can we do to prevent and educate?  What can I do to make this lonely scary world better?

 

If you suffer from depression or if you have considered suicide, you are not alone! There is help out there.  Reach out to a friend, a family member, a teacher, or a boss.  My question of what if is “what if he would have just called me.” There is help out there, please ask for it.   You can also call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 

If you are a survivor of suicide, you aren’t alone either.  I want you to know that you are pretty amazing! Just when you think you are ok, something pushes you back down, but you still get up. You still survive.  Take care of yourself and reach out for support when you need it.

If Robin Williams is as close as you have gotten to suicide, I am thankful for you.  Know that your kind words make a difference.  I commend you for wanting to know more. 

I miss you Mikey.  My love for you is strong enough that I am going to let go of "what if," and continue to ask myself “What can I do?”

Baby's First Bill Signing

On July 6, 2014 Catalina attended her first bill signing. Illinois House Bill 5755 was sponsored by her auntie Kelly Cassidy. It is a referendum that will be on the November Ballot giving voters a chance to voice their opinion on how they feel about insurance companies being required to cover birth control. 

Governor Pat Quinn gave Catalina the first pen used to sign the bill. Catalina was very happy with her new teething toy. 

Dressed, But Not Ready To Go

It has been a rough week.  Actually, every week is a rough week when you have a kid.  No one tells you this before you have kids.  But, I’ll save that blog for a another day.  It’s been a rough week.  On Monday, I was already to leave for work, when I realized a little girl had wiped her milk mouth all over me and the evidence was on my blouse.  I had to make a last minute outfit change. 

On Tuesday, baby girl had a huge poop.  It is always fun trying to change a diaper on a baby who refuses to stay still.  There is just no reasoning with an 8 month old.  Somewhere between the carrying her to the changing table and the squirming and wiggling I got poop on my blouse.  Again I had to make a last minute outfit change.

Today, I was determined not to get anything on me.  As the babysitter was saying goodbye, the baby started to cry.  It was her first don’t-leave-me-mommy tears, and I got them all over me.  Those tears pierced through my sweater and dress straight to my heart.  I was able to quickly calm her down, leave her in good-capable arms, and get on my way to work. 

By the time I climbed onto the train I had concluded one major thing.  I’ll take the poop over the tears any day!

Ready for Battle

Last week I made the trip to Springfield to testify on the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) in the State Senate Executive Committee. I was determined to make history. During the drive there, I experienced a milestone and made my own, personal history. I found my very first gray hair. I found myself more shocked about the gray hair than the fact that I was about to testify about a constitutional amendment a century in the making. 

"What do I do?" I rhetorically asked. I stared at it for a while, and finally I made a decision. It is a sign of maturity and wisdom. It will be good luck! It is a badge on my uniform. I smiled as I patted it back on my head. 

I am ready for battle. I'm ready to get the ERA passed, and I'm ready to age gracefully. I'm a feminist. I am THE feminist, which really just means I'm a warrior. I'm a warrior for equal rights. I'm a warrior for my daughter, for myself, for all women. Bring it world. Bring it life. I'm ready! 

ERA

Below is the Statement I delivered to the Illinois Senate Executive Committee today on the ERA:

I’m Cristina Villarreal and I am President of the Chicago Chapter of the National Organization for Women.  Thank you for allowing me to speak today, it is an honor to be a part of this history that has been in the works for nearly a century.  And though I am glad that the discussion of equal rights is continuing, I’m disappointed that this amendment has not been ratified by our state sooner. 

I would like to discuss viability of the equal rights amendment. There is an argument that your vote today is not important, that because the 1982 Congressional deadline for ratification has passed, there is no point in Illinois ratifying the Amendment, but I’m here to assure you your vote today will make a difference. 

Article V of the U.S. Constitution gives Congress the power to propose amendments, and it gives Congress a uniquely broad authority over the amendment process. However, the Constitution remains silent on time limits for ratification and the power of Congress to impose time limits.  

Case law tries to clear this up.  InDillon v. Gloss (1921) the court ruled that an amendment should be ratified within a “reasonable” and “sufficiently contemporaneous” time frame.  In Coleman v. Miller (1939)the Court ruled that only congress can determine what is “reasonable” and “sufficiently contemporaneous.”

The Madison Amendment (Congressional pay), is an example of how “sufficiently contemporaneous” is determined by congress.  The Madison Amendment was originally passed by Congress in 1789, but did not become ratified until 1992.  If 203 years can be considered “reasonable” and “sufficiently contemporaneous,” than so can a few decades taken to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment.  

When ratified, these will all be arguments that can be made if necessary, but most recently inNOW v. Idaho (1982) the U.S. Supreme Court declared regardless of any legal questions on issues related to deadlines and ratification are moot, because the Amendment has not been ratified  by 38 states`. 

The Three State Approach argues that there needs to be three more states to ratify the amendment and then Congress with it’s broad authority on the ratification process can do it’s job, and make a decision on the ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment.  The Congressional Research Service has reported on the viability of the Equal Rights Amendment, and they have concluded that even without the Three State Approach, there are legal strategies that could be used to still get the amendment ratified.  

Your vote could be a step in not only making women equal under the constitution, but also to getting a historical clarification on the ratification process. If you are a nerd like me, than you know that's a big deal. 

On another note, your vote matters for reasons other than simply because ratification is still viable.  You have an opportunity to right a historical wrong.  This amendment should have been ratified by the state, years before I was born, but it wasn’t, and you have an opportunity to get on the path to fixing that today.  But more than just fixing a historical wrong, we have a chance to make history.  Illinois has an opportunity to be at the forefront of revitalizing the women’s rights movement.  We can give hope, where hope was lost, and continue to move our nation forward into a more perfect union of equality. 

At the end of the day, after that long legal history and explanation on viability I just gave you, I would like to conclude with, viability does not matter.  Viability is irrelevant when it comes to doing the right thing. I have a young, amazing daughter at home.  What matters most is telling her and girls like her, that under the U.S. Constitution, they has equal rights.  I want my daughter to grow up in a state with legislators that value her rights and have the “yes” vote to prove it.  I urge you to please vote yes on SJRCA 75. 

#BringBackOurGirlsChicago #BringBackOurGirls

Last week I wrote about my outrage regarding the kidnapped girls in Nigeria. Over the weekend my daughter and I joined the #BringBackOurGirlsChicago march.  It was important to me to take my daughter to stand up for girls who have no voice.

My Baby Girl's first Rally/March

A few things stand out about this weekend.  First, after attending this march, I was watching the HBO show Vice.  There was an episode on The Pink Gang in India.  It is a group of women who have joined together in order to protect each other, because of a legal system that fails women.  Men who rape women are nearly never prosecuted and there is such deep corruption in the system women are scared to press charges against their attackers.  I couldn't help to think how lucky my daughter and I are to be in this country.  We can have the right to not only stand up for ourselves, but also to the injustices that are happening across the world.

Family, Friends, Sisters

Second, I was struck about how fortunate my daughter is to have so many women in her life that are an example of strong and caring women.  It is their efforts that will make my daughter's life easier.  It is their love that will foster her.  I am so glad she will grow up knowing the value of sisterhood.  She will know whether the girl lives next door or thousands of miles away, they are her sisters in life!

Third, I hope I will teach my daughter the value of her rights, to fight to keep her rights and to fight for the rights of others.  Why were those girls such a threat to Boko Haram? They were getting educated.  I hope my daughter values her education.  I hope that her education will come a little easier than mine or even her fathers, but I hope no matter what she appreciates it.  I hope she knows that the more she reads and the more she learns the more powerful she becomes.  I hope she will share this gift of learning with others.

Meanwhile, there are still hundreds of girls being held captive in Nigeria.  We will not forget about them.  We will not let this go.  Every time I see my daughter's smiling face, I will think of them.  Every time I think of the opportunities she will have, I will think of those girls.  We will not rest until we #BringBackOurGirls!

GIRLS RULE
#BringBackOurGirls

Happy Mother's Day to the Motherless Daughters!

My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  After I lost my mom in 2007, Mother’s Day has been a hard day for me.  There is no avoiding it.  It’s everywhere, the stores, the radio, television ads, social media, everywhere.  But this Mother’s Day is bitter sweet.  It’s still a difficult day.  I still don’t have my mom, but it is my first year as a mother.  I have quickly come to realize that the 7 months of my life with my baby have been the best 7 months of my life and there is no greater joy than to be her mother.  I have written before how my daughter has helped me heal from the loss of my mother.  I think I will continue to heal a little this Mother’s Day as well, because this year, I get the honor and privilege of being Catalina’s Mom.

Happy Mother's Day to the Motherless Daughters! I know you wish you could sleep through this day. But remember, you are a reflection of a great woman! And even if you aren't a mother, you are a mother like figure to someone, and they are a reflection of another great woman!