Ears pierced: It’s a girl thing (Part 2)

In September of last year, I took a break from my pregnancy complications to discuss ear piercing in "Life is full of barbaric customs." --Vada Sultanfuss. My husband was opposed to doing something permanent to my daughter’s body without giving her a say and I wanted to go with tradition.  In our family baby girls get their ears pierced as newborns.  My husband’s view was much more feminist than my traditional view. 

My daughter did get her ears pierced recently and my husband held her as it happened.  We decided to go with tradition, and I have to say the moment though petrifying for me, as a mother, could not have been more meaningful. 

Recovering

On my birthday we took my daughter to get her ears pierced and in attendance, besides her father and me, were two aunts and her three older girl cousins.  We stood by her as she had this permanent change made to her body, one that all of us ladies had also endured as babies.  We winced.  We worried. We smiled.  My daughter cried, but was over it in minutes.  I hope the spirit of that day will live on.  She will have many permanent life-altering moments in her future, but she will get through them with the support of some of the most amazing females in her life, and her feminist father.

Team get Catalina's Ear's Pierced

+ Positive +

One year ago today, I peed on a stick and stared at the plus sign in disbelief. All I could do was laugh. My husband must have thought I was crazy.  I had an important meeting to go to so I regained my composure and went to my meeting. I came home and peed on two more sticks. All were positive, I was going to be a mom. 

We had only been trying a month. I had been on birth control for almost fifteen years for medical reasons that threatened to make it difficult to conceive. According to Latino standards I was old. But here I was about to embark on the greatest adventure of my life, parenthood. 

What a difference a year makes, now we are parents to the most amazing and beautiful baby girl. I barely remember my life a year ago yesterday, maybe it is because I never truly lived until a year ago today. 

Catalina’s Playlist

Only music can take you on a journey through life. It can transport you to a different place and time or it can make the present absolutely perfect. My daughter has her own playlist. Many of the songs she listened to in utero, a couple we later added to the rotation. There is definitely something for everyone so we figured we’d share at the very least a portion of it.

In the hospital Catalina would fall asleep to
Debussy's Clair De Lune.

Classical Music

1. Claire De Lune by Claude Debussy

Catalina’s favorite fall-asleep song. This is what I would play for her, when I was stuck in bed in the hospital after my c-section and I couldn’t pick her up. I felt helpless, but through music I could sooth her and remind her of life inside of me.

2. Minuet in D Minor by Bach

3. Minuet in G Major by Bach

4. Gymnopedie by Erik Satie

5. Air by Bach

6. Arioso by Bach

7. Brahm’s Lullaby

8. Canon in D by Pachelbel

9. Eine Kleine Nachtmusik by Mozart

10. Fur Elise by Beethoven

11. Greensleeves

12. Ode to Joy by Beethoven

13. Turkis March by Mozart

14. Spring by Vivaldi

15. Minuet by Boccherini

These were the songs that Catalina first listened to. They were the ones that made her happy in utero and soothed her when she was first born. As I write this blog, it is these songs that she is napping to.


Meaningful

16. Three little birds by Bob Marley

Catalina smiles while listening to
Bob Marley's Three Little Birds

The idea for this blog came last night. My daughter and I were playing and I put this song on. The smile on her face was priceless and it made my heart ache. When my cousin Mikey was five, he had an interest in Reggae music. I told him, he couldn’t like reggae and not know about Bob Marley so I bought him the Bob Marley Legend CD. This was one of his favorite songs. When he passed away 12 too short years later, we were at his wake. Our five-year old cousin Bella was sitting inconsolable. This song happened to be playing. I told her how it was Mikey’s favorite song and we sang it together. “singing ‘don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright.” I bought her and her sister the same CD and this was their favorite song on it.  It is with that history, that only a Bob Marley song can have, that I sang it to my daughter. It was a moment I shared with my daughter, "the girls," and with my Mikey. In that moment his absence was heartbreaking, but his presence was felt just as strong. 

17. Cielito Lindo by Marta Gomez

This was the song my husband and I used to cut our wedding cake to. Cielito Lindo is a classic Mexican song and this version is sung beautifully by a Colombian. My baby is both Mexican and Colombian. This song is a little mix of her cultures. It is a mixture of her parents and her grandparents. It is the song that played at the wedding that would lead to her birth almost a year later.

18. Cali Pachaneguero by Grupo Niche

This is the song that we dance to in order to remember my mother. It is the song that brings us closer to her. It is the last song my mom danced to. We honor her by dancing to this song, and Catalina laughs. Catalina won’t meet her grandmother in this lifetime, but she will know her.

19. Madre e Hija by La India

This is a beautiful mother-daughter song. It is one of those songs that has new meaning now that I am a mom to a daughter.

20. Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison

My mom use to sing this song to me, and call me her brown-eyed girl, and now I sing it to me daughter. It is another fun song for us to dance to, and her giggles echo. I hear my mother in those echoes.


Mami-Daughter

21. Lucky by Kate Edmonson

This song is the new tradition. This is our mommy-daughter song that’s special just for the two of us to share. I first heard it after Catalina was born and I put it on her playlist, because I am so lucky to be her mom. 

22. Blue by Beyonce

Beyonce’s song to her daughter. Catalina’s mom can relate. “Sometimes these walls seem to cave in on me, When I look in your eyes, I feel alive.”

23. Forever Young by Audra Mae & The Forest Rangers

My wish for her.


Socially Concsious baby

24. Hallelujah by Beatriz Luengo

25. Be the Change by Kate Edmonson

Because it is her father & my hope that we will raise a socially conscious daughter who knows she can and should make the world a better place.


Just for Fun

26. Habanera by Bizet from Carmen

27. Kiss the Girl Colbie Caillat from The

28. Hakuna Matata from The Lion King

29. Somewhere Over the Rainbow by IsraelKamakawiwo’ole

She also needs to know how to just have fun.


For Obvious Reasons

30. Catalina by Fonseca

This is just some of the songs on Catalina’s playlist. She looks nothing like me, but she has acquired my love of music.

UPDATE:

I don't know how I could have forgotten this one.  But Sam Cooke always makes Catalina happy and growing up, he was one of Uncle Carlos' and mom's favorites! 

What do you think is a must add to Catalina's playlist?

Working Mom in Progress

I have now been a working mom longer than I was on maternity leave.  It has not been easy these past couple of months, but we have managed to get through it.  Leaving my baby in the morning is still hard, and I still rush to get home to her in the evenings.  Even though I am exhausted, I don’t complain about the late night feedings, because it means I get to spend time with her.  There are just some days, in the wee hours of the morning, when we are too tired to talk.  On those days, we just smile at each other.

I love being a mom, but being a working mom still needs to grow on me.  I am pretty confident it will, because I can’t imagine not working.  I just wish I had more time to spend with my baby.  I’m afraid there is so much I’m missing.  But here is where I remind myself that part of my job as a mom is leading by example. I want her to know she can be superwoman if she wants to be, but no one expects her to be anything other than human. I want her to know if she wants a career and a family she can have both, but it might take me some time to learn for myself before I can teach her how to have both. Here is what I have learned in two months:

·      Many women do this day in and day out.  They are called sheroes.

·      My baby gets mad when I leave her all day, but when she wakes up at 3am and sees me ready to care for her, she ALWAYS forgets she was ever mad at me and gives me her biggest smile.

·      Now that I am a mom to a girl there are things that are more important to me, like how people talk or treat me.  I don’t want her to think it is ever ok for anyone to disrespect her so I demand respect always, because I want her to do the same.

·      That being said some little things that would bother me in the past don’t now, because in the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter.

·      Time management is key.  If I don’t manage my time well, everything will be thrown off. 

·      Sometimes, MANY TIMES, I won’t get everything done that I need to. That’s ok.

·      We can fit a lot of playtime, story time, and tummytime in between the time I get home from work and bedtime.

·      My body and mind will tell me when it’s just too much.  That’s when I need to make sure I ask for help and rest. 

·      My baby is never far from my thoughts. 

·      No matter what happens during the day, I get to go home to love.  I’m so grateful for this.  This is something I will never take for granted.

I’m sure as soon as I think I have being a working mom all figured out, something will change.  But this is a challenge I look forward to.  I already know it is a challenge I will never regret. 

Precious Moments

I've had a lot of great and amazing moments in my life. Being at the President's 2008 campaign headquarters on Election Day, working on Capitol Hill, the many famous politicians, actors, musicians, civil rights leaders I have met, are just a few moments that come to mind in this extraordinary ordinary life I lead.  My life has been truly blessed.

In spite of these exciting moments in my life, I have never been happier. I have never felt like I had truly lived or loved until now. There are no words to express how much I love being a mom.

Those awesome moments in my life have been nothing in comparison to the everyday little moments I share with my daughter. Travel experiences have been replaced with the Catalina Express, moving the bassinet from the living room to the bedroom and vice versa, which involves choo-choo sounds and results in big toothless smiles. The theater has been replaced with a puppet show using her Frida Kahlo and Jane Austin dolls. They chant, "You can be a writer. You can be a painter. You can be anything you want to be." Dance clubs have been replaced with dancing & singing in the nursery. We love lullabies from around the world, baby hip hop lullabies, classical music, pop music, and of course the chicken dance. Political debates are replaced with "Gooos & gaaas" as she lays between my husband & me in the "big bed" and tries to tell us a story. We listen with an intense focus, because she is quite literally the center of our world.

I have concluded that of all my experiences and moments in life, these moments with my daughter are the most fulfilling. I have said it before, but every day it becomes more true. The little things in life are the best things! 

Beautiful Battle Scars

As a mom you learn to get creative.  I learned early on the only way I could get a shower in was if I took the bouncer in the bathroom and put the baby in there.  That normally gives me about a 10-15 minute shower, just what I need.  The other day I was pulling this maneuver and when I got out of the shower the baby was staring at my stretch marks.  I smiled at her and said “Those are my battle scars, aren’t they beautiful?!?!?”  And with her impeccable timing, she smiled back at me, making that statement all the more true.  They are so beautiful.  When I look at them I don’t remember the difficult pregnancy or the difficult labor.  I just think of that smile.

There are some big lessons in my beautiful battle scars for my daughter, and I hope she will always remember them.

1.    My body, with all of its imperfections is beautiful.  It is a body that has allowed me to live and love, and I have the marks to prove it.  Her body, is just as perfect in it’s imperfection (I see no imperfections, but I’m sure she will find some in herself someday) and she should love it for everything it is worth.  She too should take full advantage of her body and live and love in it.

2.    It might seem cliché, but it is what is in the inside that counts.  Physically my body has changed over the years, but I have only grown.  It doesn’t matter what the outside looks like as long as I keep the inside beautiful. 

3.    I will never shy away from any battle or any scar if her health and safety are at stake.  I will always be ready to fight for her and I will wear any scar that results from that with pride.

“Those are my battle scars, aren’t they beautiful?!?!?”  Those scars are my badge of honor, and she is my victory!

Words Matter

Maybe this blog should be prefaced with “you done set me off now.”

I have never held back when it came to social media.  I have always been open.  I know a lot of people disagree with that decision, but I have always wanted to share the good and the bad, and encourage dialogue. If I’m going through something so is someone else out there.  If I can make someone smile then why not share? But recently, I made the decision to show less of my daughter on social media.  A decision I made very easily after a facebook comment was posted referring to her as a “hoochie momma.” I know people will think I am over-reacting, but I’m not subjecting my daughter to be degraded even if it is just a joke. 

I am raising a mini-feminist.  I use this term loosely to mean a girl who is proud to be a girl and who knows that her gender should not hold her back from her dreams.  I want her to have self-confidence and to believe in herself.  If she doesn’t believe in herself, who will (other than her father and me of course)?  I have said before that the cards are stacked against her, because she is a Latina.  But I believe, if we work hard to create a safe space at home for her to grow, learn, and dream then the realities of the world will be more manageable and she can overcome any obstacle. 

I don’t think, as women, we should be calling other women “hoochie momma” or the b-word or any other derogatory term.  I know some women see calling each other “bitches” is cute or funny.  Maybe they see it as a way to reclaim power over the word like the N-word in hip-hop (a topic for another day).  But I believe in the power of words.  I would much rather spend my energy empowering women then reclaiming power in a word.  I would never call my BFF or other friends my bitches, because they are so much better than that.  They are my sisters.  They are queens and the language I use should reflect that.  I want my daughter to know this.  She should respect other girls.  She should foster those relationships, not see other girls as competition or the enemy.  I don’t want to hear other women call each other “hoochie mommas” and I definitely don’t want them calling my 2-month-old daughter one.  Again, some may think I’m taking this too serious, but I’m raising a girl, this is serious business. 

I am by no means a public figure, but I can now understand why public figures are so protective of their children.  Jay-Z and Beyonce rarely show their daughter Blue Ivy, but when she appeared in a video recently, I heard people say “she’s not that cute.”  Kanye and Kim Kardashian released a picture of their daughter and people started accusing Kim of getting her baby’s eyebrows waxed.  These are babies we are talking about.  Leave them alone.  They are all beautiful baby girls.  Thick eyebrows, unibrows or no eyebrows, these baby girls are gorgeous. 

We need to teach our children that whether they are the daughter of someone famous or a nine to fiver, it is who they are as a person that matters not what they see in the mirror (or more accurately, what others see in a picture).  These are just babies, but our girls are smart.  They start to pick up on subtle and not so subtle comments about body images.  We need to teach our girls that math and science are more important than appearances.  Let’s get them interested in the chemistry behind make-up, the physics behind the heels, and the biology behind their beautiful curves.  Let’s teach them about the history of their people and remind them that they are fierce because of the strength of their ancestors.  My daughter is a baby, but already she is beautiful, tough, smart, perceptive, intuitive, sweet, loving, joyous, and a fighter.  Notice no, where in that list is “hoochie momma.” 

Over reacting or not, there will be no Girls Gone Wild in my house, just this over protective, over analyzing, Mom Gone Wild.  My daughter needs girl power, so I’ll save her pictures for those who I know will appreciate her for her complicated nature and empower her!

My Daughter's Message
Is Worth Ending With